my friday nights consists of a broken heart, listening to sad chinese love songs because im a loser and a loner………….. ………….
studying the whole day just made me fucking annoyed and tired i dont even want to do this anymore. i miss being happy, i miss feeling alright.
boxing class last night fucked me up emotionally and physically. I’ve grown so emotionally attached to that place, I never want to leave. It was always my secret hideout/ getaway. People there didn’t know me at home, school, or even during weekends. I wouldn’t say i could entirely be myself, but i can say that people there really made me feel wanted, included.
It felt like a real team, where we had each other’s back, literally and spiritually. So so many team inclined activities we had to do, which successfully developed a greater bond between all of us.
The thought of leaving there makes me sad, makes me heartbroken. Because it almost made me feel like they were always there for me when i needed someone, and something i could do to literally vent my stress and anger out.
Speaking about being always there for me, those sad chinese songs never fail to make me think of my ex, and how he was also always here for me when i needed him, even after we broke up, even after all the bullshit i put him through.
Deeply reminiscing our relationship, those memories with him I never knew existed only until when i thought about it carefully and accurately, came to me like a wave. It was so overwhelming – those times where I could be myself – 100 and laugh and love him unconditionally.
I cry at those thoughts where I could laugh with him, genuinely, from the bottom of my heart full of love.
And it made me wonder, did i not cherish those memories enough?